“I think women should stop asking such questions from others as to what they should do and what they should not.“ — Smriti Irani Union Minister of Textiles, India, at a discussion on “Women in the New World Order,” New Delhi.
Women believe in many things, but often they believe the least in themselves. It is often very hard for them to realize that they alone are in charge of their lives.
Most women across the world, rich or poor, think that others around them are in charge of their lives – parents, partners, spouses, their adult children… Somehow, women have been conditioned into believing that they can’t be happy by themselves or that they can’t be their own hero and find themselves depending on others for their happiness and survival.
Women often lose themselves when they enter a relationship or get married or embrace motherhood. Often they completely forget who they are, what they want from life, what they believe in and most importantly what makes THEM happy.
They immerse themselves in their relationships to make the significant others in their lives happy, but gradually bury little pieces of themselves until their lives are completely drowned in the lives of the people they love.
The individual disappears, and in her place is the wife, the partner, the mother – no friends, no independent social life, no independent beliefs, no trace of the woman she actually is! So deep is the burial of these pieces that after a breakup or divorce or when children fly the nest, there is just too much emptiness to deal with.
Ladies, it is perhaps time to rise and let that heroine out of you. The key is to ‘Be You’. Here are 7 points for you to be who you actually are and let that heroine inside of you come out:
Be Confident of Your Worth: If you have high self-worth, you will know that you are deserving of the love and respect you receive. You will not constantly feel the pressure to change yourself to keep the relationship burning or your superiors happy.
Be True to Yourself: Don’t be so nice that you muffle your opinions just because the other person has a different opinion. Make yourself heard. Don’t pretend to agree when you disagree.
Be Proud of Who You Are: Often in a relationship, a woman makes too many adjustments to be in tandem with that of her spouse or partner. So much so that his friends become hers, his likes become her likes, his interests, hers. She becomes more like him. So do not forget that the man was attracted to you, not to himself. So in losing your identity, you are setting yourself up for disappointment (for both of you).
Trust Your Choices and Decisions: You can reason, think and form an opinion just as the next person. So be sure of those choices and decisions because you know you have made up your mind about something after a lot of thought. So back yourself, because if things go wrong, you will know how to take care of it.
Stand Strong, Stand Tall (and if needed alone): Respect, love, appreciation. Make these the most important things in your life. If you find these lacking in any of your relationships or workplace, make sure you let that known. It is only fair that you deserve these always. It is important not to accept disrespect, condemnation and neglect to lead a healthy and balanced life.
Be Your Own Definition of Independence, Strength and Balance: It’s best not to judge yourself according to other’s definitions of these terms. Your definition of an independent woman may be different from your friend’s or colleague’s. For you an independent woman is someone who does not need a man, for someone else it may mean having a family and kids and still being her own person. The same goes for strength and balance. Believe in what works for you, because it may not be what works for others.
Seek Happiness within Yourself: Often women look at others to find fulfillment and feel complete – a boyfriend, children, a job, etc. You can be happy by yourself and you do not have to feel guilty about it. You don’t always need something outside of you to complete you. Your hobbies, your passions, your me-time can all make you equally happy. The key to your happiness is with you, carry it with you always. There is no need to put it in the hands of others or lose it along the way.
Free that heroine you have buried deep inside you for so long. Be your own heroine. It is time to take charge of the very life you were in charge of always.
It is time to unleash the real you, as you are – no pretensions about who you are, no guilt about what you should or should not do, and no shame in being who you are. Don’t be afraid, you will manage it very well and with your head up!
Jasmin Waldmann is a well renowned international Life Coach. She guides people of any age, occupations, gender or nationality to work on their charisma, inner balance, guide how to become more successful and boost mental and physical health – and this counts for business and private life. Jasmin helps in a team-character way to a life full of joy and satisfaction.